I fancy myself the type of person who forgives and forgets, who lets bygones be bygones, the type of person who doesn’t wallow in the past. And for the most part, I am that person, except when it comes to two things:
- Matt Damon
- Discontinued breakfast cereals, namely Pop Tarts Crunch and French Toast Crunch
Of course, I’ll explain.
I have a deep, irrational hatred of Matt Damon, to the point where I can’t watch any of his movies, no matter how good they look or how talented the rest of the cast is (Elysium!! I don’t know if I could break my rule, not even for you). It’s because of Saving Private Ryan – specifically, because he got Vin Diesel killed in that movie. I have a serious soft spot for Vin Diesel. Come on, he was the Iron Giant, the Fast and Furious movies have gotten legitimately good, and the Riddick movies have some of the best one-liners ever (I have a line from the Chronicles of Riddick tattooed to my arm, because it’s badass and I’m ridiculous). Of all the soldiers who died to save Private Ryan, Vin Diesel shouldn’t have been one of them! Rant over.
The cereals I have a hard time talking about because I’m still really emotional about them, even almost 20 years later. Pop Tarts Crunch, the strawberry one, was honestly one of my favorite things in the world as a kid. That was probably when my obsession with foods that look like other foods began. They were just like strawberry Pop Tarts, but tiny and crunchy and adorable! They got discontinued in 1995, only a year after they came out and it devastated me. Thankfully, that same year, French Toast Crunch came out and it more or less filled the void left in my life by Pop Tarts Crunch. But of course, it also eventually got discontinued. You were right, Robert Frost – nothing gold can stay. All I’ve got left now is fond memories, and really hilarious Amazon reviews.
This turned into a long-winded ramble, as per usual, but I just really had to get that off my chest, okay?
Now, on to the muffins!
Coffee cake is one of my favorite things in the world. It’s such a great, all-purpose cake – not too fancy, but not exactly plain either. Unfortunately for the coffee cake, I don’t think its name is doing it any favors. Tacking “coffee” on there makes people associate it with just breakfast or a coffee break, when in reality, it deserves so much more. Coffee cake should be a bona fide dessert. A coffee cake layer cake, perhaps? I’ll take a slice of that for dessert, and then another slice in the morning.
I didn’t like peanut butter as a kid. That’s a mild way of putting it – I hated it. It was the mouthfeel that I couldn’t stand, that stickiness that coated every inch of your mouth. I vividly remember one day in elementary school when I ordered a peanut butter jelly sandwich for lunch out of morbid fascination. PB&J sandwiches were all anybody ate back then, so I decided to try it and see what all the hullabaloo was. I took one bite and threw it in the trash and went hungry the rest of the day. It was around that same time when we were reading Shel Silverstein in class and we got to the poem about the king who ate a peanut butter sandwich and got his mouth stuck shut for 20 years. That poem was what really sealed the deal for me. I’m not exaggerating when I say I spent the first half of my life terrified that peanut butter would glue my mouth shut.
I’m happy to say that I know better now and go through jars of peanut butter at an alarming rate to make up for lost time. I’m content to eat it straight out of the jar with a spoon, but I do occasionally like to put some work into how I consumer peanut butter, like this decadent peanut butter cake with chocolate ganache and peanut butter frosting.
One of my coworkers also adores peanut butter, so for her last day at work, I brought in this cake along with some cupcakes. She loved them, so I’d say my relationship with peanut butter – from hatred to love, bordering on obsession – has finally come full circle.
Whole Foods has this amazing goat cheese, cranberry, pecan salad that I’m obsessed with. It’s light but still decadent tasting – all sweet and savory and creamy. If it weren’t so overpriced, I would probably eat it all day, every day.
These muffins have all of those key ingredients I love with the added bonus of being enveloped in carbs. Why eat a salad when you could eat a muffin, am I right?