Author Archives: Betty

If I could capture the smell of these muffins, I would turn it into a perfume called Essence du Petit Dejeuner and sell it for $50 a bottle. And I don’t mean it like that gimmicky pizza or bacon perfume – I would legitimately wear this as my signature scent.

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Have you ever seen a more boring-looking muffin? Like, what is this shit supposed to be – cornmeal, vanilla, flavorless?? But guess what, you better check that attitude at the door because these muffins are beautiful. On the inside. Which is where it counts.

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I’m gonna sidebar here for a moment and describe a food experience I had this weekend that has nothing to do with these muffins. This is totally out of the ordinary, of course, because my posts are usually so topical (said no one ever). Here goes. I finally tried coconut water. I know, I know, I’m about 1 year behind on this particular trend, but it was one of those things that I was always meaning to try but was always too lazy to go out of my way to acquire. So this weekend, I saw it on sale at my grocery store (impulse shopping, it’ll get you every time) and decided to buy a carton.

There’s really only one thing I have to say about coconut water. YO, THIS SHIT IS RANK. Or rather, this particular beverage is not quite to my liking. But really, THIS IS SOME NASTY ASS EXCUSE FOR WATER. I mean, I didn’t expect it to taste like coconut milk or anything, I just figured it would taste like water but with a faint hint of coconut essence. Not even close. It tastes like someone left rotten fruit in a bowl of water and then decided to bottle and sell it. Sorry for the visual. It was so disgusting I googled it and apparently its putrid taste is a known fact. How did this become such a huge thing? Have all those people I would see coming out of the gym chugging a bottle of this stuff really been secretly gagging the whole time? I’m actually looking at the carton right now and on the back, there’s a little icon that says it’s the Official Coconut Water of the Olympics. As if those poor athletes weren’t already suffering enough in Sochi, they also have to drink this shit? Ugh. Ugh ugh ugh.

I do have to say though, as a marketing major and someone who works in advertising, I have to give huge, gargantuan props to the people who have been marketing this junk. Well played, you assholes. Well played.

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To me, corn muffins are the chocolate chip cookie of muffins. They’re classic, but there are so many different ways to add flavors, so I end up bookmarking every new recipe I can find. This recipe in particular caught my eye, because it combines two of my favorite flavors – lemon and thyme. The result is a corn muffin that’s anything but ordinary.

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When I was a kid, I thought people actually ate lemons instead of just using them as a garnish or for the zest/juice. I thought they were just like oranges, so whenever we went out to restaurants, I would eat the lemon wedge that came with my glass of water. I eventually stopped doing that, but my love for all things sour ended up manifesting in other ways – in elementary school, we had Warhead eating contests and if I can brag for a moment, I was the reigning champion.

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So January 27th is National Chocolate Cake Day, which is wonderful, if a bit unnecessary. Every day is a chocolate cake day! That said, I’ll never pass up the excuse to incorporate more chocolate into my diet, so I’m glad we have a special day to celebrate.

It takes about 5 minutes, tops, to whip these up

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I’ve clearly got summer on the brain, what with the mango muffins from two weeks ago and this week’s blueberry ones. What can I say? I’m a little sick of snow and negative temperatures. Windchill? More like wind, chill! I regret nothing – not these unseasonal muffins, and not that terrible pun.

That’s an Ikea baking mat and it’s bright pink and makes me happy

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When I was a kid, one of the things I was obsessed with clouds. I was always fascinated by how fluffy and soft they looked and my favorite day in elementary school was the day we learned all the different types of clouds – cumulus, nimbus, what was the other one, romulus? Oh wait, that’s from Star Trek.

Every time we took a family road trip, I would stare out the window and look up at those white puffs and think about how delicious they must taste. I was really into eating things that shouldn’t be eaten; in fact, I once ate grass in second grade on a dare. Sadly, since clouds were so far out of my reach, I ended up turning to the closest substitutes – whipped cream and cotton candy, which contributed to the half-dozen cavities I had growing up.

Vegan mango muffins

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It’s 2014 and we still don’t have hovercars or teleportation or personal androids. Most importantly, space ice cream is still not readily available in grocery stores. I don’t know about you, but I’m feeling pretty gyped by this new year. I don’t want a watch that is also a phone, but I do want to be able to reach into my tv during commercials and pull out a sample of whatever food the commercial is for. Come on, scientists, if Willy Wonka could do it, so can you!

 

They’re healthy, I swear

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I have a confession to make: until I made these bad boys, I wasn’t a huge fan of chocolate cookies. They’ve always felt kind of – this feels so sacrilegious to say – boring and one-note to me. But I must have just been eating all the wrong chocolate cookies because these are something spectacular, if I do say so myself. They’re like a cross between a brownie and a cookie, but somehow even better than both.

Packaging makes me feel fancy

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