Tag Archives: muffin

There are a lot of foods that I never ate growing up that I suddenly started eating in college because of lack of time and general laziness – peanut butter and jelly sandwiches, ants on a log, and my personal favorite, peanut butter and banana sandwiches. I guess there is just something about peanut butter that attracts hungry, stressed youths like moths to a flame.

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I’m not entirely sure why combining cayenne pepper and chocolate qualifies the chocolate as Mayan, but there are enough Google search results that mean it’s a thing, but nothing I could find that explained why, so I guess I’ll just have to take this one at face value. If it turns out that the Mayans really did combine cayenne and chocolate, then I think we can agree that that wonderful flavor combination more than makes up for their big snafu predicting the end of the world. That was a cheap shot, sorry guys.

 

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Remember way back in the day before kale exploded – not literally, of course (gather ’round, my dear children, and let me tell you the story of the Great Kale Explosion of 2014) – and people used to make smoothies with regular fruits like bananas and strawberries and blueberries? Talk about vintage, am I right? Smoothies that weren’t green! They used to be a thing!

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I feel like grapefruit gets a bad rap because of that fad diet that they got dragged into, and I will admit that there are probably few things as pathetic as a lonely grapefruit half for breakfast, but if you’re eating it for fun, it really is pretty tasty. Like, sometimes I want a citrus fruit that isn’t an orange, you know? And in those moments, the grapefruit always has my back (even if there is really no good way to eat it raw, I mean, thank god I wear glasses otherwise I would have gone blind by now from the arterial spray every time I try to jab my spoon in it).

Thanks, grapefruit. You really just need a better marketing campaign, that’s all. Maybe the agency who does the Old Spice ads could help you out? Something to look into.

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There are just some days when you need a double dose of chocolate, and I call those days every single day ever.

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These aren’t green, but they’re filed under Ireland in the Global Muffins section of the muffin book, so these are perfect for St. Patrick’s Day, regardless of the color.

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I don’t want to jinx it, but I think this brutal winter might kind of maybe possibly potentially be over soon-ish in the sometime near future? Which means it’s time for fresh fruit again! Namely, stone fruits, my favorite of which is the peach, but since those aren’t quite in season yet, I opted for the criminally underrated plum.

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If I could capture the smell of these muffins, I would turn it into a perfume called Essence du Petit Dejeuner and sell it for $50 a bottle. And I don’t mean it like that gimmicky pizza or bacon perfume – I would legitimately wear this as my signature scent.

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Have you ever seen a more boring-looking muffin? Like, what is this shit supposed to be – cornmeal, vanilla, flavorless?? But guess what, you better check that attitude at the door because these muffins are beautiful. On the inside. Which is where it counts.

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I’m gonna sidebar here for a moment and describe a food experience I had this weekend that has nothing to do with these muffins. This is totally out of the ordinary, of course, because my posts are usually so topical (said no one ever). Here goes. I finally tried coconut water. I know, I know, I’m about 1 year behind on this particular trend, but it was one of those things that I was always meaning to try but was always too lazy to go out of my way to acquire. So this weekend, I saw it on sale at my grocery store (impulse shopping, it’ll get you every time) and decided to buy a carton.

There’s really only one thing I have to say about coconut water. YO, THIS SHIT IS RANK. Or rather, this particular beverage is not quite to my liking. But really, THIS IS SOME NASTY ASS EXCUSE FOR WATER. I mean, I didn’t expect it to taste like coconut milk or anything, I just figured it would taste like water but with a faint hint of coconut essence. Not even close. It tastes like someone left rotten fruit in a bowl of water and then decided to bottle and sell it. Sorry for the visual. It was so disgusting I googled it and apparently its putrid taste is a known fact. How did this become such a huge thing? Have all those people I would see coming out of the gym chugging a bottle of this stuff really been secretly gagging the whole time? I’m actually looking at the carton right now and on the back, there’s a little icon that says it’s the Official Coconut Water of the Olympics. As if those poor athletes weren’t already suffering enough in Sochi, they also have to drink this shit? Ugh. Ugh ugh ugh.

I do have to say though, as a marketing major and someone who works in advertising, I have to give huge, gargantuan props to the people who have been marketing this junk. Well played, you assholes. Well played.

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